ranchandsyrup

The best blog. Maybe in this whole town.

Shuffle Up and Deal

Brian Jonestown Massacre — Anenome

This is one of Mari’s favorite songs. I have sort of drifted away from BJM over the past year or so but it was a welcome surprise to see this one come up when I hit shuffle. Anenome (Greek for “daughter of the wild” and also the name of a variety of buttercup) is really a pretty song and contains the usual BJM psychadelia vibe and cryptic lyrics. I particularly like this couplet:

you should be picking me up
instead you’re dragging me down
i could be giving you love
but you’re not around

If you enjoy documentaries, I highly recommend Dig! about BJM and the Dandy Warhols. It is the best way to truly understand how the main figure in the band, Anton, rides the line between genius and madness. Anton is a very difficult person to deal with. He’d even admit this. Accordingly he burns through band members at a rapid pace. But his talent is undeniable.

First to fall over when the atmosphere is less than perfect. Your sensibilities are shaken by the slightest defect.

I really liked Marianne’s post Where’s my imaginary twin?. The idea that some people can only handle society if every person mirrors their beliefs has been running through my mind a bit and I noticed the below in an article about how stupid people look wearing Google glasses:

Atlantic writer Ta-Nehisi Coates has developed a brilliantly concise definition of an asshole: “A person who demands that all social interaction happen on their terms.”

I agree, partially. I think that this perfectly describes a distinct subset of people who may be a particular type of asshole. But the definition doesn’t adequately define the larger term. I’m going to pre-but the inevitable “But Mike, you’re an asshole” tu quoque argument and admit that I’m an asshole and that there are many other subsets of assholes that describe me well. I don’t think the above definition applies to me (your mileage may vary–as always).

I’m fascinated with the “why?” aspect of this. Is it truly better to live in a homogenized world? I lean toward no because I see a lot of value from considering opinions and beliefs that differ from mine. I also do not get trying to force people to believe a certain way. Anyone want to take a crack at why it is a good thing?

Shuffle up and deal

Blondfire — Where the Kids Are

This is our daughter’s current favorite song. She loves to pick up the ipod or phone or speaker that’s playing this song, close her eyes and start dancing. So far, Blondfire is the only band she’ll request by name. We have also decided that “blondfire” is the perfect descriptor for our daughter’s hair color–with the mixture of blonde and red.

bailey shopping

Where’s my imaginary twin?

 Twins

The last few months, I have been doing a lot of introspective thinking.  I have been quietly (well, as quiet as a talker like me can) listening to others, hoping to learn a bit.  After sitting on the sidelines, processing, not blogging (oops), I am ready to discuss my observations.  There has been an overwhelming theme invading my life, through friends, social media, even Mike. 

The dreaded go to, ever popular and increasingly powerful word, offend.

 Before beginning this article I looked up the dictionary definition.

Offend: Verb. Cause to feel upset, annoyed and resentful.

UGH, I don’t like any of those words! Who wants to be annoyed, resentful, or upset?

Apparently, a large number of people. Since being offended has been a predominant nuisance, skulking behind every tree I skip by, I thought I would take a closer look.  My findings? The verb “Offend” is being vastly overused, and in my humble opinion, largely misused. 

Mike is typically my go to in all areas of grammar, wrong definitions (see http://ranchandsyrup.com/2013/02/20/my-grammar-bes-ebonics-gin-tonic-and-chronic/) Whenever he explains an annoying misuse of a word, I always ask him for an example to ensure:

1. Clarification

2. To see if I can pat myself on the back for not being the guilty party.  That being said, examples are my favorite way of furthering my point.

 Examples of correct and incorrect uses of being offended:

  1. “Hey Mari, your dress makes your butt look huge.  Don’t worry though, your makeup looks fantastic!”
    1. I’m offended!
  2. “Mari, your rant about women’s rights was really offensive.  You should really think about what you say.”
    1. Offensive??

Luckily, neither of these are real, but you catch my drift.

When did different opinions elicit the term offensive?  Politics tend to be the most often referenced, but religion is the same hot button.  Of course, offended parties tend to span the usage across even the most trivial areas including table manners, music, television etc. 

Not only are people offended, they are encouraging me to be offended.  The other day I was chatting with a friend who prefaced with, “I am sorry, I don’t mean to offend you”, before making a statement.  Her statement was not my personal belief, but certainly not offensive to me.  If I chose to be offended every time someone said, did, or acted in a way not perfectly aligned with my beliefs, I would be offended most of the time.  Why? Because everyone is different! Do you know anyone who believes EXACTLY the same as you, in all areas? I don’t.  The chances of knowing someone who agrees with every sentiment in your life is slim to none.  And yet, so many people are unconsciously seeking their imaginary twin. 

Why are we so afraid of living peacefully with differing opinions?  Why is it a “Cause to feel upset, annoyed and resentful”?

Unfortunately, I do not have the answer.  I have ideas, but would like to hear your opinions.  More to follow…

My grammar be’s ebonics, gin tonic and chronic

A short listicle with comments of recent-ish grammer/speling/werd usage pet peeves** that compelled me to contact the offending authors:

1. Mano y mano: Typically used in sports to describe a one on one battle by people who don’t speak Spanish. What they should use is “mano a mano” which means “hand to hand”. Mano y mano = hand and hand–like they’re holding hands. It’s not just wrong, it means the opposite of what they’re trying to say. Ironic (see below).

2. Weary/wary/leery: Two of these words mean the same thing. Two of them rhyme. The two that rhyme do not have the same meaning. It’s tricky, but weary means tired. Wary/leery mean cautious. Yet I see a lot of people use weary when they mean to use one of the other two.

3. Use of an apostrophe to pluralize a word: It used to be the rule that one NEVER uses an apostrophe when forming a plural of a word. Some grammar guides today allow for the use of an apostrophe in the plural forms of letters, numbers and words used as words.
Examples of proper usage:
“How many number 1′s are there in line?”
“We put x’s on the wrong answers.”
“The no’s resounded in the classroom.”
Those exceptions make sense, but I see people using the apostrophe to form the plural of ordinary words. I notice this all the time in restaurant menus.

4. Lose/Loose: Those are still two different words with two different meanings. Yet I see people use loose in place of lose but I very rarely see the inverse. Why is that?

5. Irony: The word has a specific meaning. It does not mean “anything that is unexpected”. Granted, the specific meaning is tricky. The definition is “The expression of one’s meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect.” The definition signals that if the opposite is signified, you’ll be on solid ground. So I try to use the term irony only in that context. If you ever want to ask the intertrons whether or not a statement is ironic, this site provides that service.

6. Literally: I saw an ad for a shirt the other day that says “The misuse of literally is making me figuratively insane”. Couldn’t agree more. Sometimes when people misuse literally I think they’re trying to sound intelligent. Other times I think that literally has become a verbal tic for a lot of people. I’ll defer the rest on this topic to David Cross in the above video clip.

Any other of these types of pet peeves out there?

**Disclaimer: I freely admit that my grammar, spelling and word choices are not 100% correct. Feel free to point them out so I can rid myself of bad habits.

Shuffle up and deal

Sorry for the lack of posts.  Life intervened.  We’ll be posting more frequently.

Grimes — Genesis

I’m glad my phone kicked out this song when I hit the shuffle this morning.  Over the past couple of months I have been delving into Grimes.  Discovered her on 120 Minutes.  I have been taping the shows and watching them when I have free time.  It reminds me of staying up and watching 120 minutes back in the 80′s.  So anyway, the video for this song is hilarious to me.  Lots of fake toughness, riding around in an escalade swinging swords, etc.  I was tempted just to laugh, but the song really is beautiful.  If you like this one, check out Oblivion as well. 

 

Shuffle up and deal

Silversun Pickups – Little Lover’s So Polite

I’m a sucker for the fuzzy bass. Just love it. Also like the interplay between the rhythm guitar and the “noise” guitar throughout the song.

SSPU have definitely grown on me over time and with each of their albums I go through the same process. I kind of like a song, listen to a few other songs on the album and think they’re ok and then I won’t listen to them for a while. Later I’ll come back to them and they’ll be amazing. I’m not sure why this is.

Video is just kinda meh, though. All in all, SSPU are one of my favorite “new” bands of the past 5-7 years.

Our first Thanksgiving

image

Happy Holidays! We are hoping to spend this month highlighting our friends stories… We would LOVE for you to guest blog! To get the ball rolling, I have a memory of a horrific holiday memory:

The Preface, from 2009 Thanksgiving:

We were lucky enough to have a nature preserve between us and the ocean. We thought it was fantastic. However; our neighbors and I would sometimes get critters (mice, possums) in our backyards.  I figured, no big deal! When Mike and I moved in, our sliding glass dog door was a bit small, so we decided to keep the door in the foyer open for the dogs to meander in and out at their leisure. It worked quite well until a chilly storm. On Mike’s birthday, we kept all of the downstairs doors open, since we had a little birthday party and we thought it worked out well…..

Sunday evening, after everyone had left, Mike had a hangover to rival an army, and I brought him downstairs to make my famous “hangover remedy soup”. He was on the couch, and I was in the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw our maltese Bianca run across the tile…. Except, Bianca was on the couch- A new furry face friend had decided to join our family, and it was definitely not a maltese.  A Rat.  Not a cute little field  mouse, but a very large rat running  across my kitchen floor. Then, it jumped into, what seemed at the time, oblivion. I squeeled for Mike and explained what had just happened.  Obviously, he thought I was crazy.  How could a rat disappear into our kitchen cabinets when there aren’t any holes?  Upon convincing him, he grudgingly investigated and sure enough, there was a hole, underneath the kichen cabinet.

Still not convinced, Mike assured me it was my imagination. About 20 minutes later, on the other side of the kitchen, the scratching began. It didn’t stop. Mike realized I hadn’t lost my mind, and that  we had a rat in our kitchen wall, in between the cabinets and the outer wall.  We couldn’t do much about it on a Sunday evening so my brilliant plan was to plug up the hole until the following day. However, I didn’t want our rat to get out, so I decided drenching a sponge in bleach to plug up the hole would surely divert even the most overzealous rodent. We put my bleach filled sponge in the hole, and placed a magazine and brick below it  to ensure it didn’t peruse the kitchen.

 The next day, Mike and I went to Home Depot, bought a trap, and placed it at the hole for the evening. However, when Mike went to get the sponge to free the hole, it was in pieces and the magazine had claw marks. Apparently the rat was not deterred by the bleach.

 The next morning, we wake up, and sure enough, no rat. I quickly realized the rat had died in our wall a painful, bleach filled death. Horrible.  In hindsight, I should have left the hole open so he could possibly escape outside.  Oh well, lesson learned and we were rat free.  However a few days later, the smell came… a wretched, dead animal smell. Disgusting, I know. So again, Mike and I went to Home Depot, and decided on the “foam hole filler”.  Mike filled in the hole and thankfully, the smell disappeared! We decided, rats die in walls fairly often, and it would decompose and not be too much of a problem. However, a week later, I started smelling stench of dead animal. Turns out, the little guy died in the wall between the stove and the sink. What to do? There were a ton of ventilation holes in the area, so Mike and I figured a candle and a quick trip out of town would, for the most part, get rid of the scent.  When we came home, the scent was gone!  Whew! On Monday and Tuesday, we would have Mike’s family arriving for the first time.  This was my first Thanksgiving hosting, and I was nervous.

THANKSGIVING EVE-

Mike’s family was in town, and had been for a few days. Everything was going great, and Thanksgiving dinner preperations were going well.    We decided to take his family to dinner the night before, and on our way out, I stopped to check the kitchen.  Our cattle dog, Elway has a tendency to jump on the counters and eat anything we leave out, so he has trained me to keep the counter tops clean.  The oddest thing, on my counter top, in between the stove and sink, was a worm. A little worm, what most people would consider a maggot.  ODD. Peplexed, but I reasoned we had a lot of people in town, perhaps someone brought in bad veggies, who knows?  I disregarded the tiny invador, bleached my counter and moved on with our evening. When we get home, we were sitting in the kitchen, and my father in law and Mike noticed more worms in the same place. They decide I might freak out, so didn’t mention it to me…..

 THANKSGIVING MORNING-

In the morning, Mike went downstairs to make everyone coffee.  I readied myself for the day, and came downstairs a bit later.   When I came into the kitchen,  my family was acting odd, and hovering in the corner.everyone is acting odd, and hovering in   the same corner…. I asked what was going on, and after enough  prodding…. I get the truth. The truth any woman hosting her first Thanksgiving would never want to hear. Maggots are falling, in mass, from the area in between the cupboard, onto the countertop, through the cracks. 

Apparently, the rat decided to die in the wall, and by some horrific scientific anomaly, a fly got in… and laid eggs. A lot of them.  And on Thanksgiving morning, maggots are dropping on my countertop. 

 I freaked out. Not a little, a lot.  My brother in law and his fiancé are nature kids, and started telling me how odd it is, and go into the scientific details. I did not share the sentiments. I went upstairs, and puked.  And then I left. I took some anxiety medicine, and I got the hell out of dodge with Elway. I walked for a long time with Elway trying to figure out when I should come home. Once the sedative kickend in,I went home. Bless my Father in  Law, he decided to deal with it and he went through the areas in the kitchen,  locating the areas they were falling.  There wasn’t open pest services to call on Thanksgiving so he and Mike did what any problem solver would do. They bought duct tape. A lot of it.  The two of them duct taped the majority of the kitchen corner,And sealed up every small opening.  Apparently, Mike and my father in law figured it out the night before, and used the foam filler to close up the problematic spots.  They were hoping to spare me the trauma, and assumed all would be fixed by the morning.  Are you ready for this? Maggots don’t mind the foam and were dropping through it.  Vomit. Luckily, duct tape is not penetratable, and the magots could not get through.

Cathy, my step mother in law, took me outside, gave me a pep talk, and explained we needed to make pie crust.

From that moment, my father in law (Poppa Tom) tirelessly patrolled the kitchen.  I will never forget Poppa Tom’s dilegence, and protective nature of his new daughter in law.  I will be forever grateful.  We did Thanksgiving. Everything we had planned. And not one more maggot fell to my knowledge.

 The crazy part? Thanksgivings dinner was actually amazing…… who would have known? I owe it all to Cathy,who was ready to help, and to Poppa Tom, who teamed up with Mike to shield me from the nastiness.

Pragmatism not idealism

Since the election, I noticed that quite a few conservatives asked for their liberal acquaintances or anyone to explain why they voted for Obama or what the appeal of liberalism is. In the broadest sense this is a good thing as it could represent a move away from epistemic closure and tribalism. It is great that some conservatives thought they would win and thought their platform resonated with a larger portion of the electorate and want to understand why things did not turn out their way.

I saw some people on Facebook and elsewhere try to talk about why they feel the way they do and engaged in some of these discussions myself. Only one of these discussions went well for me (Thanks Brad J! You restored my faith in humanity). I began to wonder why these sorts of conversations are so difficult.

I noticed that a few of the Facebook conversations were proceeding in the same manner. A fairly staunch conservative would ask why liberalism is better and go to great lengths to say that they truly wanted to understand and that it wasn’t a trap, but as soon as someone tried to advocate the liberal position they began to attack it. I see that as a gigantic exercise in confirmation for the conservative and a waste of time and words. To really understand another position, a person needs to exercise intellectual empathy. Anderson describes it thusly:

the decision to enter into a person’s way of the seeing the world and look along with them. It is, in a sense, an imaginative exercise that goes beyond the “willing suspension of disbelief” toward the granting of principles and premises that we may very well like to reject in order to see how the whole framework holds together—if the whole framework holds together. Intellectual empathy is a form of seeing how. As in, “Oh, I see how you could think that. It’s wrong, but I can see how it might make sense.” It is an act that is aimed, first and foremost, toward the good of understanding, a good that persuasion may flow from but can never precede.

As Anderson discusses, the trick to intellectual empathy is that you don’t have to abandon your first principles. He posits that someone who is confident in her principles should be better able to engage in this type of discussion. However, he notes that chipping away at one’s opponents beliefs through this sort of conversation should not be the goal, it should only be a byproduct. This is exactly the point that I saw the Facebook conversations fail. The conservatives wanted to enter a point by point battle/refutation of liberalism, not understand it. The ones that swore up and down that they just wanted to “hear the other side out” were the ones that pushed back the most. They made the byproduct the goal. I view that as bad faith as there is no intent to agree or understand.

The larger problem for me is the framing of the issue. It presents a classic false choice: conservative or liberal? Most people don’t fit into those ideological boxes. It also presumes that liberalism and conservatism operate in the same ideological manner. They don’t. Conservatism by definition and in practice requires a preference for idealism over pragmatism. Liberalism is rooted in the pragmatism of philosophers like John Dewey and others. The focus is on results, not process. Avoiding being ideologically rigid is baked into liberalism. That makes it difficult to have a purely ideological argument, for me.

There are some things we can’t control which serve to define us. The movement of a political party on the ideological scale changes where an individual sits on the scale in relation to the party. A nominal conservative can find herself outside of mainstream conservative ideology but not change her core beliefs in any way. For this reason and others, I don’t intend to be a “liberal” for the rest of my life. I don’t intend on outsourcing the totality of my vision or belief to any ism. I have my core beliefs that over time are challenged and sometimes changed. In a two party system I try to make the best choice I can. I think most people do the same.

So next time you really want to know someone’s opinion, just listen. Try to reap the benefits (as Anderson discusses in the above link). The goal should be solely to understand. Ask questions to further understanding, not to poke holes or refute the position. You may still change their mind by asking them to clarify or explain. When someone has to reduce abstractions into words, they may realize the holes in their beliefs themselves. Or maybe you’ll learn something or see things in a different way….

Clowns to the left of me. Jokers to the right.

California, in its perpetually frustrating benevolence, allows “lane splitting” for motorcycles. Generally this means that a motorcycle can ride between two lanes of vehicles going the same direction. Moving between stopped or slow lanes of traffic on the motorcycle is an interesting experience, to say the least. A rider has to be hyper-aware and anticipate driver behavior. The cars surrounding the bike create a “tunnel” effect. Additionally, riders get an interesting glimpse into other vehicles being so close to them and up higher than a lot of cars. Your fellow commuters are doing all sorts of interesting things when they are stuck in traffic. Getting dressed, putting on makeup, reading books, doing sudoku, performing and receiving sexual favors. I have seen all of these and more.

There isn’t a law or regulation that specifically states that it is allowed or prohibited (California does this a lot) so it exists in a grey area. However, the courts and law enforcement have traditionally permitted the practice if it is done “safely”. The California Highway Patrol’s official policy is that lane splitting is “permissible but must be done in a safe and prudent manner”. So it is not illegal, it’s not expressly legal and law enforcement can still pull over lane splitters for acting poorly. Commonly, law enforcement will use the “excluding a safe speed” section in the Vehicle Code as the justification for a ticket. The general guideline is that it should be done ONLY between the two farthest left lanes and the motorcycle should stay within 10 mph of the ambient vehicle traffic.

The primary policy rationales for allowing lane splitting are: (1) Many rear-end accidents occur when on the freeway traffic, has stopped. Motorcycles, should they be required to to stop with traffic, are ill equipped for a rear-end collision (or any collision). Motorcyclists are 39 times more likely to die in a collision than persons in a passenger vehicle; and (2) Many motorcycle engines are air cooled. If a motorcycle is stuck in traffic for more than a half hour or so, the engine will overheat, particularly on hot days.

In practice, lane splitting is controversial at best. It offends some people’s sense of fairness. “Why do I have to wait in line and he gets to go to the front?” Some drivers get understandably nervous when a motorcycle appears in between them and another car. Sometimes the motorcycle appears out of nowhere and may have some loud exhaust pipes that scare drivers (this still happens to me from time to time). No one is entirely sure that there aren’t more accidents from lane splitting than there would be if motorcycles had to wait in line. Amazingly, only 53% of drivers know that lane splitting is “legal”.

This lack of awareness leads to some interesting behavior. The usual response is the standard middle finger or a honk. People have thrown things out their windows at me. My favorites are the drivers that try to block the lane splitting. I have a standard response for them. First I have to ensure that their windows are down. If not, I’ll move next to them and make the universal “roll down the windows” gesture. Surprisingly, most people go ahead and roll their windows down when you ask them. I guess they want to say what they have to say. I can’t really hear them with the engine noise, ear protection and the helmet I’m wearing. Once the window is down I position my exhaust pipes as close to the window as possible and rev the engine to about say 8000 rpm or so. Then I’m off and they’re still stuck in traffic.

Sometimes an intrepid soul will track me down. One particular time (I don’t believe I did the exhaust pipe in the widow maneuver with this guy) a driver insisted that I pull over and I obliged. He leaped out of his car and ran up to me while I was getting off the bike. I took some time to take my helmet off and let him scream at me for a while and say what he had to say. When he was done I informed him that I wasn’t doing anything illegal. He was incredulous at this suggestion. We were at an impasse on the overpass and he was starting to repeat himself. I started putting my helmet on and said I was leaving. “You can’t leave!” he thundered.

“Oh, I’m not free to leave? Is this some sort of citizen’s arrest?” I asked. “You better be sure about this if you’re telling me I’m not free to leave.” I put my helmet on my bike and pulled out my phone while he stared at me. “Fine, I’ll call CHP,” I said. He turned and stomped back to the car, peeled out as best he could and gave me the bird. What a waste of twenty minutes.

Increased awareness of the legal status of lane splitting should make things better. Riders need to do their part and lane split safely and carefully. Divers, when you’re in traffic or at a stop light, check your side mirrors to see if a motorcycle is coming. Moving over in your lane a little to increase the lane splitting area will usually result in a small wave from the rider. Believe me, it is much appreciated when we share the road.

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