So this happened today.
Typically I don’t post/write on the weekends. However in honor of Mother’s Day my nonfiction story needed to be told. As with my last post on the follies of motherhood this blog applies to everyone. Feel free to laugh, shake your head knowingly or simply cringe at the thought. Whichever emotion my blog elicits, enjoy.
Yesterday morning I got my hair highlighted and cut. Relaxed, blonde and happy I returned home to find flowers from Mike and an adorable card from Bailey(our toddler). While I was gone Mike and the girls had gone grocery shopping and planned breakfast and dinner for Mother’s Day. Further, Mike asked me what he could do to make Mother’s Day awesome for me. I told him to just take the girls in the morning so I could sleep in. Done and done.
Around 6:30 a.m. our baby awoke and was giggling in her crib. Mike wasn’t quite awake so I jumped up to get her for snuggles and a quick diaper change. As I went to change Michaela I sensed something was off… she was holding on to a gooey wad and it seemed to be all over her; in her hair, her onesie, even smeared on her face- what was that?? It looked familiar and smelled familiar but I just couldn’t quite place it. All of a sudden my groggy mind clicked into place and I recognized what the squishy clear balls were. My heart sank as I quickly surmised her diaper must have been faulty. It had emptied the contents of the absorbing gel typically sealed inside the crotch of a diaper all over her body.
For those of you lucky enough to not know what I am talking about here is a visual of what the gel beads look like:
This is the amount in one diaper:
Michaela was playing with it. She was smearing it. She was covered and playing with urine filled gel balls UGHHHHHHH. I yelled for Mike,”Babe we have a pee situation. I neeeeeed you. Quick!” Mike came stumbling down the hallway and didn’t miss a beat. He started a bath while I attempted to peel the urine soaked onesie and the remnants of the diaper off Mich. Did I mention the poop? Yep. Amidst all of this she had pooped and I hadn’t noticed. Now I have a naked, gel covered, poop smeared baby. I step backward in shock and my foot sinks into the squishy gel balls that are now all over the floor. I look down and I am covered in miniscule urine droplets.
It was 6:45 a.m.
I take all the dirty blankets downstairs and shake them in the backyard only to realize I had stepped in fresh dog pee. Sigh. I wiped my foot with the soiled blanket while our Maltese walked through the puddle and happily trotted back in the house leaving pee pee paw prints.
By 7:30am I was showered and back in bed with a clean baby, cuddly toddler and sheepish husband. Mike kept apologizing, saying he just wanted to me to sleep in and relax. I just laughed and snuggled in with my favorite people. By 8 a.m. Mike had both girls playing downstairs and I sipped delivered coffee while perusing facebook. I knew I was supposed to sleep but the sounds of a dance party and giggles downstairs were beckoning me to join. The best part about being a mom are the moments not intended to be awesome. Listening to Mike play DJ to Bailey’s favorite songs and hearing the shrieks of laughter from both the girls and Mike is the best gift I could ever receive. My heart was exploding just thinking of the fun happening downstairs and there was no way I could sleep through it. Just then Bailey came upstairs to find me and asked me to help her find clean “pony choanies” ( our term for my little pony themed underwear). I told her I didn’t have to because it’s Mothers day. She looked at me and said,” But mommy who is going to make dinner??”
Michaela was ready for her morning nap and Bailey and Mike were downstairs making me French Toast. I took Mich to her nursery and remembered the bedding was gone. Oops. I quickly changed her crib, fed and changed her so she could sleep. By the time I got downstairs the tired protests from a too tired baby were waning and the delicious smells of bacon and french toast were wafting through the air.
Happily I walked into the kitchen to see my phenomenal husband flipping french toast with Bailey stirring the egg mixture. I planned to sit down and begin sending notes to my favorite mom friends and glanced at the video monitor to ensure a sleeping baby.
Instead, I saw this:
O.M.G. What is my 6.5 month old baby doing standing up??? When did this happen? Shocked, I yelled to Mike to look at the screen while simultaneously telling Bailey to not spill on her new dress. At precisely this moment Bailey dumped the majority of the french toast mixture down the front of her, completely soaking her new dress. The sticky, eggy mess sunk into the hardwood floor and coated the snouts of my dogs licking it up. Bailey lost her shit and started screaming. Michaela was standing in her crib. Bacon was sizzling in the oven. The french toast smelled amazing and my dogs were thrilled with the taste of their face fur.
Bailey was no longer crying and Michaela was sleeping soundly. Bribed with the promise of another mini my little pony she happily ate all of her french toast. Mike made me another cup of coffee and apologized again saying, “I tried so hard to make this morning just right for you.” He made it more than just right. He made it perfect.
Mother’s Day is a day to appreciate the mothers in one’s life. It does not mean that chaos won’t ensue. It does not mean the day will run smooth. It just means you are loved and admired.
Happy Mothers day to our phenomenal mom readers!