In Defense of 50 Shades… Pertains to my initial review
This is a true story about my friend Sally. Not an ambiguous friend, but one of my closest friends. Sally was really nice to Bob, the Director of her company. He asked that she travel to all superfluous activities he attended. She complied. For two years, she dealt with his idiosyncrasies, sacrificed all of her spare time, and ultimately her marriage. Bob was three times divorced, 20 years older, and understood how difficult a break up could be. He showed her kindness, however continued to request her attendance everywhere he traveled.
During her reign, she spent evenings and weekends attending events, ensuring Bob was pleased with her performance. He was in awe, obviously, and chose to make specific trips to Southern California, to spend more time in market. Recently, Sally let him know, in confidence, she was planning to quit. His response? ” Great! Now, pesky Human Resources is no longer an issue”, and attempted to kiss her. She rebuffed his advances, and explained she thought of him as a friend, or even a father figure. He assured her, he could sexually satisfy her, and in detail, explained how he could make her orgasm. Aghast, Sally reiterated she was not interested. For some reason, he “read her wrong:”, and knew they “had a connection”. “Didn’t she feel it?” Sally didn’t feel it. She thought of him as a client, a boss, perhaps someone who understood divorce. She tried to explain they did not have a connection, and he continued to pursue her throughout the evening.
When she realized “no” would not be acceptable, she chose a different tactic.. Sally told him, “You are right. I would like to have sex with you, but I need to tell you what I am into”….
Sally told Bob,“ I need to tie you up, blindfold, whip, and handcuff you, then, fuck you from behind” She further asserted, “ It’s the only way I orgasm, so if this isn’t OK with you, I can’t waste my time”. She watched him change from the dictator, to a man who was trying to figure out if her perimeter was within reach. He tried to reckon with her…..”what it I go down on you, and make you come?” She explained the only way she was able to come was the above. After careful thought, he realized he was not the man that was able to meet her needs. He was mortified, and emasculated. She left him in the restaurant, with the understanding he was not adventurous enough to keep up with her.
Our friend Sally has not done any of the above. However, 50 shades of gray gave her ideas, in a pinch!! Sally told me, “This man used his power to harass me. Instead of being a victim, I decided to make him really uncomfortable.” She would have never come up with the idea unless 50 shades would have reared its horribly irreverent literary head. This man found out he wasn’t “man enough” to satisfy Sally. His thoughts on sex were squashed quickly, leaving him ill equipped. I will praise 50 shades for this.