Too Hot To Handle


It’s hot.  This is the third week of sticky, sweat inducing heat.  Every night I watch the news to see a break in the weather, but to no avail.  I am aware it isn’t hotter than other areas, but we pay the San Diego Tax to have perfect, 65 to 70 degree weather.  That being said, none of the coastal homes come with air conditioning. When we moved to our first place, which was overly expensive, and very new, we never thought air conditioning would be an issue. When the August heat reared its disgusting, humidity infused head, I turned on the AC.  Nothing but warm air ensued.  I called our landlords, annoyed, and upset that the cool air wasn’t performing.  They told me, “there isn’t air conditioning, you are on the coast”! I was 9 months pregnant, pissed, and perhaps crazy. Mike left immediately and bought us an air condition unit.  I called it “My Unit” for the duration, and deemed our bedroom the Panic Room for all heat related problems. 

Since moving to Oceanside, our bedroom is an odd assortment of vaulted ceilings that move into the closet, shower, and bathroom (WEIRD??? Architect, what were you thinking????)  My amazing, “Unit” is working diligently, but due to the way our ghetto room is set up, not operating to my liking. Mike will surely be annoyed with the cost of running my unit around the clock for little return.

This brings me to the story at hand.  When we moved in, our new neighbors invited us over for apple pie and Pepsi. I have never encountered someone inviting one over for such American offerings.  It reminded me of one of those 80’s alien movies, when they posed as humans.  It made me laugh, but truly consider they may be of the extraterrestrial sort.   I never see, or hear  them; however I know they are there. There may be a wife, perhaps a sister, maybe more.   Honestly, we have been here a year, and I haven’t seen them, albeit the exception of a car leaving the garage. Since the first week, we haven’t received another invitation.. I assume they know we are of the booze and darkness persuasion.

Today. I heard the magic. While I am sweating, swearing, and hoping my cool room will be enough, I heard the buzz of central air. They have installed air conditioning.  The delicious, boisterous buzz is titillating.  Their home must be cool, comfortable and inviting.   I would gladly drink Pepsi and eat Apple Pie with possible aliens if they invited us today.  Damn it, I love air conditioning.  What are they doing?  Probably enjoying central air, and laughing as the cool air pisses off the rest of us.  What would one endure to enjoy cool climates? Odd, yes, but I can overlook it if they would invite us over for a cool respite. Damn It I am annoyed I didn’t make friends with the one neighbor who installed central air.

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