Today is Valentine’s Day!
If you are in a relationship you are dating one of two people.
A great person.
A shitty person.
Your partner is one or the other. If you are thinking for even one little moment which one your love falls into, your partner is the latter.
My husband is a great person. He is fabulous. We have been married 6 years and I love him more today than yesterday. When we first started dating he was a holiday person. He celebrated Christmas with the enthusiasm of a toddler, Valentine’s day like Cupid, and my birthday like it was the best day of the year. After our courtship turned into marriage I realized his overzealous holiday affection was merely a ruse to snare me. My beloved was not in fact, a holiday person. After we were married I noticed he wasn’t excited about Flag Day. On Fourth of July I was shocked he didn’t own patriotic swim shorts. He actually wasn’t a huge proponent of making 1/2 cakes for half birthdays. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t hopping like a bunny for Easter. Wait for it… Valentine’s Day wasn’t a day of sheer bliss and romance. WHAT?? I have holiday dedicated ensembles for almost every holiday!!
At first I thought I could change him. I threw parties, bought extravagant gifts, and encouraged a cheerleader like attitude. Guess what? He wasn’t impressed. In fact, he was embarrassed and annoyed. I thought if I made a huge deal out of every holiday he would make a huge deal too. I was wrong. As it turns out his love language is different (which I will need to write about another day). To be fair, Mike’s enthusiasm for many holidays has greatly increased since having children. Again, another day another blog.
My tip this week is how to survive Valentine’s Day and love your partner even more the next day.
My mom (and best friend) once gave me an amazing piece of advice. She told me, “If Valentine’s Day or your Anniversary are holidays you wait for to feel loved and special you are in the wrong relationship.” This piece of advice is a gem.
On Valentine’s Day I know you have your vision. You might be sitting at home or in your office dreaming of when the doorbell rings or the receptionist calls out your name to deliver flowers. I watch the same Lifetime movies. At any moment dozens of flowers and chocolates and that ugly “Hearts on Fire” necklace from Kay Jewelers is yours. I get it. You smile. Look down, a bit sheepish that your man is such a romantic. What’s a girl in love to do??
And then it doesn’t happen–and you are bummed. Just so disappointed. And embarrassed for feeling bad.
Guess what? Your partner doesn’t love the silly Valentine’s Day holiday. If you are in a good relationship you shouldn’t either.
Valentine’s Day is a bit embarrassing if you go out–the restaurants are crowded, one pays a premium, and everyone is supposed to execute the weird couple stare. You can’t relax. You need to hold hands, order the prix fix menu and gaze.. lovingly…but this doesn’t happen either.
But I digress. On to my tip, on how to appreciate Valentine’s Day(Or your anniversary) if Cupid doesn’t exceed your expectations..
Romantic holidays are created to ensure someone makes you feel great about yourself. If you are in a good relationship you should feel fabulous most of the time. I started writing a list of the things Mike does to make me feel special throughout the year and quite honestly, the list is too long. I am a very lucky woman. The list below is a non scientific excerpt of a list of what should be happening in your life. If most of these apply then Valentine’s Day should be a day to be thankful you don’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day. (Disclaimer: As a female, a list may be a bit different if I was a male. Bear with me).
1. Constantly tells you how attractive you are. Bonus if you are in sweats!
2. Celebrates your interests and encourages you to pursue them. Even if it is just wine and girlfriends 😉
3. Knows all about your self-described “crazy parts” and genuinely likes them. In fact, they make up who you are and they feel it makes you “insanely” perfect.
4. Thinks that dinner and dishes are gender neutral and whoever is least busy is in charge.
5. Thinks laundry is gender neutral and whoever is least busy is in charge.
6. Is perfectly capable of taking care of the children and really likes it.
7. Believes in you.
8. Knows your strengths and asks for your advice in these areas.
9. Remembers your favorite foods and suggests them when you need TLC
10. Has watched all of your favorite movies and can quote a few of them when you are having a bad day.
11. Invests in your favorites. Chocolate lover? Belongs to the Godiva Club. Gardner? Knows when Home Depot is having a soil sale! Skier? Season passes to the nearest mountain.
12. Notices and appreciates a few things you do. Not everything but enough to make you feel good about your hard work.
13. When you receive a present it is an item that was thought out.
14. Compromises on areas that they are passionate about.
15. Really likes spending time with you.
If you have been reading this list and smiling and nodding you are very lucky. Today may not bring chocolates and diamonds and whirlwind trips or proposals. However, today is a day you can feel thankful for a full heart year round.
I know I will be thankful for a Hallmark holiday to remind me how lucky I am !!!
Happy Valentine’s Day!