Archive for the category “Who you be with?”

Cupid’s Bow not delivering?


Today is Valentine’s Day!

If you are in a relationship you are dating one of two people.

A great person.

A shitty person.

Your partner is one or the other. If you are thinking for even one little moment which one your love falls into, your partner is the latter.

My husband is a great person.  He is fabulous. We have been married 6 years and I love him more today than yesterday.  When we first started dating he was a holiday person. He celebrated Christmas with the enthusiasm of a toddler, Valentine’s day like Cupid, and my birthday like it was the best day of the year.  After our courtship turned into marriage I realized his overzealous holiday affection was merely a ruse to snare me.  My beloved was not in fact, a holiday person. After we were married I noticed he wasn’t excited about Flag Day.  On Fourth of July I was shocked he didn’t own patriotic swim shorts.  He actually wasn’t a huge proponent of making 1/2 cakes for half birthdays.  I couldn’t believe he wasn’t hopping like a bunny for Easter. Wait for it… Valentine’s Day wasn’t a day of sheer bliss and romance.  WHAT??  I have holiday dedicated ensembles for almost every holiday!!

At first I thought I could change him.  I threw parties, bought extravagant gifts, and encouraged a cheerleader like attitude.  Guess what? He wasn’t impressed. In fact, he was embarrassed and annoyed.  I thought if I made a huge deal out of every holiday he would make a huge deal too.  I was wrong.  As it turns out his love language is different (which I will need to write about another day).  To be fair, Mike’s enthusiasm for many holidays has greatly increased since having children. Again, another day another blog.

My tip this week is how to survive Valentine’s Day and love your partner even more the next day.

My mom (and best friend) once gave me an amazing piece of advice. She told me, “If Valentine’s Day or your Anniversary are holidays you wait for to feel loved and special you are in the wrong relationship.” This piece of advice is a gem.

On Valentine’s Day I know you have your vision.  You might be sitting at home or in your office dreaming of when the doorbell rings or the receptionist calls out your name to deliver flowers.  I watch the same Lifetime movies.  At any moment dozens of flowers and chocolates and that ugly “Hearts on Fire” necklace from Kay Jewelers is yours.  I get it. You smile. Look down, a bit sheepish that your man is such a romantic. What’s a girl in love to do??

And then it doesn’t happen–and you are bummed. Just so disappointed. And embarrassed for feeling bad.

Guess what? Your partner doesn’t love the silly Valentine’s Day holiday. If you are in a good relationship you shouldn’t either.

Valentine’s Day is a bit embarrassing if you go out–the restaurants are crowded, one pays a premium, and everyone is supposed to execute the weird couple stare.  You can’t relax. You need to hold hands, order the prix fix menu and gaze..  lovingly…but this doesn’t happen either.

But I digress. On to my tip, on how to appreciate Valentine’s Day(Or your anniversary) if Cupid doesn’t exceed your expectations..

Romantic holidays are created to ensure someone makes you feel great about yourself.  If you are in a good relationship you should feel fabulous most of the time. I started writing a list of the things Mike does to make me feel special throughout the year and quite honestly, the list is too long.  I am a very lucky woman.  The list below is a non scientific excerpt of a list of what should be happening in your life.  If most of these apply then Valentine’s Day should be a day to be thankful you don’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day. (Disclaimer: As a female, a list may be a bit different if I was a male. Bear with me).

1. Constantly tells you how attractive you are.  Bonus if you are in sweats!

2. Celebrates your interests and encourages you to pursue them.  Even if it is just wine and girlfriends 😉

3. Knows all about your self-described “crazy parts” and genuinely likes them.  In fact, they make up who you are and they feel it makes you “insanely” perfect.

4. Thinks that dinner and dishes are gender neutral and whoever is least busy is in charge.

5. Thinks laundry is gender neutral and whoever is least busy is in charge.

6. Is perfectly capable of taking care of the children and really likes it.

7.  Believes in you.

8.  Knows your strengths and asks for your advice in these areas.

9.  Remembers your favorite foods and suggests them when you need TLC

10. Has watched all of your favorite movies and can quote a few of them when you are having a bad day.

11.  Invests in your favorites.  Chocolate lover? Belongs to the Godiva Club.  Gardner? Knows when Home Depot is having a soil sale!  Skier? Season passes to the nearest mountain.

12. Notices and appreciates a few things you do.  Not everything but enough to make you feel good about your hard work.

13.  When you receive a present it is an item that was thought out.

14.  Compromises on areas that they are passionate about.

15.  Really likes spending time with you.

If you have been reading this list and smiling and nodding you are very lucky.  Today may not bring chocolates and diamonds and whirlwind trips or proposals.  However, today is a day you can feel thankful for a full heart year round.

I know I will be thankful for a Hallmark holiday to remind me how lucky I am !!!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

xoxo Mari


A me seh one thing Nancy cyaan understan

It’s weird to really like and enjoy a movie but associate negative connotations to it. For me that movie is The Royal Tenenbaums. I love pretty much everything about it — except how it makes me feel.

It was Spring Break of 2002. Spring break was already meaningless for me as I had entered the job market, but my then-sorta fiancee (long story) Nancy was a teacher so it was Spring Break for her. Over the first weekend of her break we went up to the mountains and did some snowboarding. We were planning on heading up again the next weekend as the conditions were great. During the week, I had to work and she was going to goof off.

On Monday Nancy and her friend went and saw The Royal Tenenbaums with her friend Betsy. We were both huge fans of Rushmore so I was bummed that I didn’t go but figured I’d catch it later. Nancy raved about Gwyneth Paltrow’s performance as Margot and strongly identified with her character. At first the identification was just physical. “She wore her hair at the same length as me with a barrette.” “Her wardrobe looked like it was pulled from my closet.” “We have the same mannerisms”. In hindsight, those things are all true. Her identification went beyond the physical, however. I just didn’t know it at that time.

The next day I was sitting at work prepping for an afternoon meeting. The meeting got rescheduled. I had a bunch of stuff that I could have done that afternoon but I figured that it was a “stolen” afternoon and I’d check in and see what Nancy was up to. “Ummmmm, I’m going to see Royal Tenenbaums again,” she stammered after I explained my free afternoon.

“Oh cool! I’ll come and meet you guys. You going with Betsy again?”

“Ummmm yeah, we don’t know which showing we are going to.”

“Great, let me know. I’ll probably be home in about an hour.” Read more…

That’s not my name!

Ranch and syrup don’t necessarily sound like they go together but they do. I’m not suggesting that anyone should mix equal parts in a pint glass and chug. If someone oes choose to do that, make sure to video it and upload to YouTube. But I digress. I was made a believer at the Denny’s on the corner of Garnet and Mission Bay at some ungodly hour of the night. Do we want breakfast? Do we want appetizers? One of each? French toast and mozzerella sticks? Sounds great. The admittedly unhealthy balance of salt and sweet and ranchy-ness is a welcome surprise before we say goodnight to Irina the flower lady and walk home. We balance each other in the same way as the two condiments but you wouldn’t necessarily think we’d go together.

So one of us must be the ranch and the other the syrup, then? Not necessarily.
The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Maybe I’m the fat parts of both and my wife is the lovely and delicious parts?

What do we want from this experience? I can’t speak for Marianne, but I will endeavor to do the following: shamelessly steal ideas and content from much better writers (sometimes with attribution), expose myself to criticism from my peers and generally try to make some sense of a nonsensical world. I’m serious about the feedback. I’m looking for feedback and not validation (I have a post on this coming up soon). Mari and I have discussed doing some different topics together. We encourage anyone who would like to guest post about anything to do so.

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