ranchandsyrup

My Ass Is In Your Spot

Last night I went to bed with a plan.  To be honest I go to bed every night with a plan.  Most mornings it gets derailed before 8am.  But a girl’s gotta have a goal right?

My plan was to get Bailey to preschool early, visit with her teacher and drop off the 45 baby food jars I had washed the night before (for art projects).  Next I would get my errands done and get home in time to get my work done and laundry folded before 1pm pickup.  Easy peasy right?? Wrong.

My morning started out late and before I knew it I was wrapped up in a work project needing to go out before leaving the house.  At 8:15 I was still in pajamas, Bailey was not fed or dressed and baby Michaela had a full diaper. UGH.  Our sweet nanny Summer knows every morning is an adventure.  Some mornings she shows up to a clean house and dressed and fed kids with backpack and lunchbox packed.  Today was not that day. Instead she came through the door with me shouting, “Watch out I am tossing Bailey’s clothes downstairs”…”Also can you please put away all the food on the counter?”… “Michaela pooped can you deal with that??”…”I need to leave in 8 minutes”….

By the time I pulled into the parking lot it was 9:05am (School starts at 9) and I screeched into the first open parking spot  I could find.  I jumped out opened Bailey’s door and glanced down at the pavement.

Half of my car was in the parking space next to me.  BALLS.

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I had inadvertently double parked.  I knew I would need to fix the car even though I was running late.  But before I could get back in the driver side I saw the owner of the car through the windows.  She realized she couldn’t open her door (Because my entire car ass was in her spot) and had turned around.  I was trying to get her attention waving through my windows but they are dark tinted(illegal tint-I know, I am hardcore) so she couldn’t see me.  Next thing I know she is jumping in her passenger  seat and climbing over her seats to get to her driver’s seat.  I was mortified.

When she backs out I walk to the back of my car to get her attention bracing myself for the daggers she would certainly fling. I was envisioning a shaking head.. utter disdain.. annoyance…

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 Instead she sees me, smiles and waves! WHAT?? She rolls down her window since I am flailing around like an Idiot and I immediately start stumbling over myself,” I am SO SO sorry about my horrible parking…. I was just getting back in my car to fix it…. I was running so late I wasn’t paying attention….I can’t believe you climbed over your seats… ” you get the idea.  This adorable mom just laughs and explains it happens to her all the time and her garage is so tiny she is used to climbing in any door that has the most space.  Then she tells me to have a great day and drives away.

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O.M.G.  How cool is that?? How many of you would have had a smile on your face if someone parked in your spot and you had to climb through your car? She didn’t know I was on the other side about to amend my wretched parking.  She wasn’t annoyed or snarky.  She was wonderful.

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Her kindness inspired my day and reminded me for all the negative stories and poor human behavior kindness is still alive and well.  Patience and assuming the best in others is still thriving.  It really tickled me.

Remember the next time someone double parks or cuts in front of you they might not be a horrible person.  They could be just running late or distracted.  They could be shuffling and multitasking and their morning plan might not be panning out.  Let’s try to be kind to one another and assume the best.. not the worst.

XO Mari

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Shuffle Up and Deal

Wherein I hit shuffle on whatever music device is handy and detail the 1st song that comes up.

Queens of the Stone Age — Little Sister

Queens of the Stone Age have really grown on me over time.  With repeated listens I found new and interesting things that they do with time signatures.  I just find it really fascinating.

Little Sister is a solid song in their repertoire.  The video above is a live version they did on Saturday NIght Live that includes Will Farrell as Gene from Blue Oyster Cult on the cowbell during the 2nd half of the song.  Kills me every time.  Most songs need more cowbell.   Enjoy!

Don’t look back in anger

Welp, Mari and I took a bit of a blogcation.  It was quite lovely and I, for one, feel refreshed and ready to word-vomit all over this place.  So let’s get to it, shall we?

Over the past 5 years or so I’ve made a Christmas wish for humanity.  In 2014 I wished that everyone could experience empathy for people that aren’t in their own tribe.  In hindsight, that was waaaaaaaaaaaay to much to ask for.  If 2014 taught me anything it taught me people use empathy as a tool in conversations but they’re not getting what it means.  I think there are good reasons for this.  Empathy is difficult.  Empathy also leads to undesired self-reflection.  It is much easier to take the easy road of applying your beliefs to everyone and think you’re awesome and no one else “gets it”.

So a definition seems appropriate here:

The ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.

Many people conflate empathy with sympathy. I choose to view it this way to avoid confusion: Sympathy is “feeling with” a person, such as compassion or commiseration; Empathy is “feeling into” someone else. It is the ability to project one’s own personality into another person to better understand that person.

Over the course of 2014, as empathy became a buzzword, I observed many people attempt to demonstrate that they are empathetic. Some people succeeded and it made my heart happy. Some people failed (I’m definitely in this group–it’s a work in progress). Some of these fails were spectacular or made me chuckle. I had someone tell me, “I’m trying to be empathetic but everything you think and say are just wrong.”. I appreciate the initial effort but this person isn’t taking things far enough, in my opinion.

I had another person, after saying he treats all races the same state, “no one cares about race but race-hustlers”. He refused to listen to racial groups alleging institutional racism because he believed “it doesn’t exist”.  When I disagreed and poked some fun (I had predicted earlier this would happen) he went completely off the rails. He listed numerous things that he does for charity, launched into a diatribe about what he perceived were my personal failings (which he had to imagine/make up), then passive-aggressively tell me that empathy is telling me that he’s sorry I’m so angry (which he again made up). That was a complete empathy failure during a purported demonstration of empathy. Good times.

I’m tempted to be disheartened about these developments.  However this year I’m choosing to be hopeful about them. I’ve known the above referenced people for a long time and even those efforts are significant for them. On a broader level empathy is injected into political campaigns, lawmaking and normal conversation at a higher rate. Empathy is aspirational. I think these are good things and I’m going to work harder to get it right. I’m hopeful because the elevation of empathy as a desirable trait will do us all well.

Unresolved Resolutions?

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Happy New Year!!

Did you make resolutions??

Making New Years Resolutions has always been a great way for me to ready myself for January.  I would write them, print … sometimes even laminate and bedazzle my goals to make me fabulous everywhere.  The bathroom mirror, sun visor in my car, the refrigerator.. you get the idea.

My après Christmas routine began the same as most years and I thought about what goals I would like to accomplish.  Although I didn’t have time to write them down I decided to focus on balance this year.  I figured this would be the year I would successfully balance healthy eating, frequent exercising, moderate drinking, increased children’s activities, more giving and of course better organization.  No big deal right??

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New Year’s Day came and I was much too hungover to think about any type of balance.  Instead I got Chick-Fil-A, put kids’ shows on repeat and took a nap.  “After all, who starts resolutions ON New Year’s? I am pretty sure they begin the following Monday,” I said to myself.

Sunday morning started strong.  We cleaned out the garage (Organization!), I made breakfast  (Healthy Eating!) and we donated children’s clothes and toys (Giving!).  I booked my Pilates classes for the week (Exercise!) and made plans for a play date at the park. (Kids Activities!) By afternoon I was exhausted keeping up with balance and poured a glass of wine  (or three).  I had unfinished phone conversations to tend to and before I knew it the sun had set, the kids were dirty and everyone was hungry.  I did what any mom would do. I zapped some hotdogs in the microwave opened a can of mandarin oranges and hastily wiped their feet with baby wipes. BOOM. Clean and fed!

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As I settled into bed I promised myself Monday was the real start of New Year’s and convinced myself I was right on track.  Just as I was dozing off my phone beckoned me and I saw the message every working mom dependent on child care dreads.  “I am so sorry but I am sick and can’t work tomorrow”. UGH. My first Monday back to work after two weeks off and I didn’t have childcare.

Monday was not the successful first day I envisioned.  Neither was Tuesday.  I have a strong feeling Wed and Thursday will not go as planned either.   In order to maintain my sanity I jotted down a REVISED list of resolutions and couldn’t help but think others might benefit from my more realistic list.

Enjoy!

REVISED New Year’s Resolutions- 2015

  1. Feed Children three times per day. Feed Husband as needed.
  2. Keep Laundry from overflowing on the floor.
  3. Integrate more fruit and vegetables into dinner to ensure healthy food options. Frozen counts!ny6
  4. Bend knees on stairs to increase glute exercises.
  5. Walk briskly at Legoland and Animal Park for Cardio.
  6. Hang out with friends who have children for increased kids’ activities
  7. Only drink wine when frustrated, overwhelmed, happy, or busy. ny8
  8. Organize one drawer per month.
  9. Try to go to Church sometimes.
  10. Feed Dogs and give them baths.

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OK, I might be exaggerating a bit but doesn’t my new list seem a bit less daunting?

Next Monday I will attempt to kick start my “balanced” resolutions but chances are my perfect plan will be derailed.  If you are anything like me give yourself a break.  Remember resolutions are merely a guide to improved behavior not an unbreakable outline of how one’s life is supposed to look.

If your first week sounds like mine pour a glass of wine give yourself a hug and eat a cookie.  Next Monday we can try again 😉

Xoxo Mari

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P.S. This image didn’t really work for my “walking through Legoland for Cardio” but it tickled me 🙂

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OMG. Did I just say that??

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Juggling my life has been a bit hectic and my blog has been ignored.  I apologize for the lack of posts but hope the admission of the demise of my youth is enjoyable enough to make up for it.  I’m not sure when I first noticed something was off but a few months ago I started noticing a change.   A shudder worthy change.  Clearly it was coming from my mouth but I couldn’t place why it was so abhorrent.  Last week, it came to me.  I am sounding more and more like…..wait for it…. MY PARENTS.  Or someone else’s parents.  Basically, an old person.  I was so taken aback I spent a week trying to dissuade myself from believing so.  It was of no use.  My struggle is real, friends, and I am mortified.  Once I realized who I sounded like I began noticing statements I made and jotted them down.  Here are a few gems from just the past two weeks.

You are done? Did you know people are starving in Africa?

OK, this was horrible 20 years ago… who says it now?? It slipped out of my mouth when my toddler refused to finish her food

What time does the concert start? 8pm? Ugh, sorry too late for me!

Remember when 8pm was early? In my world 8pm is unwind and take a shower before Law and Order is on.

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OMG Babe guess what I saw today? A grape slicer!

Who needs a grape slicer? Apparently me. Best part, in true parent fashion is when I explained to Mike it was rip off at Target so I would Google it to find a better deal.

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If you eat anymore mac n cheese you will turn into a noodle.

Kraft Mac n Cheese used to be a staple and something I ate for multiple meals- sub in tuna for guests, hot dogs for low budget months etc.

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How did I live without a coconut opener? The coconut water is so much better freshly opened!

I have a coconut opener. Enough said.

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I’m so excited, for Halloween this year we are organizing a kids group in the neighborhood

Kids exist on Halloween? I thought it was just for a great night out!

Do you have the non slutty Elsa? I don’t want slutty ice queen, just the Disney adult Queen Elsa

I need a non slutty costume? When did slutty become inappropriate in my world??

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Please stop standing in front of the refrigerator with the door open

What is it about kids standing in front of the refrigerator? More important why have I always done it and it is now bothersome?

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You don’t have Amazon Prime? OMG it is a life saver!

Amazon Prime is an actually life saver? Vodka is supposed to be a life saver

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I’ll just have an iced tea.  Sorry guys, I have a ton of work to do today.

When did I quit drinking at lunch work meetings??

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If you will be quiet for just a few minutes Mommy will get you a special surprise

Before kids I thought parents who bribed their kids or dumped them in front of TV were horrible. I do both. Daily.

Babe I can’t do another party.  We have had way too many parties this month and I am done.

Above all I thought there was no such thing as too many parties

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It’s Charlynne’s Birthday! Let’s do a kid friendly dinner at 5pm on Sunday!          

Charlynne’s bday has always been a week long booze fest

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Can we focus on more ab workouts? My glutes and arms are on fire!

Glutes? Abs? Arms? Workout? I actually requested more ab work to my Pilates instructor

I want to increase our vegetable intake. I found some great recipes to add spinach to our diet

  • This does not include French fries… eeck

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OMG I can’t believe I have said any of these, let alone all of them in the past two weeks! What is happening???  Is anyone else suffering from the horrible realization they are getting more concerned with health and finances and overall old people stuff???

I’ve got something against you.

This post is purely aspirational for me because I have a very hard time doing what I’m going to propose. From what I observe, the same holds for a lot of people. So here goes: Be for things. Don’t just be against things. Sounds simple, right? Watch me go off the rails straight away……

The inspirations for this post come from a couple of online personae that I admire.

The first is Cleek’s Law.

Today’s conservatism is the opposite of what liberals want today, updated daily.

Pretty straight-forward, no? It also reeks of the truth. It’s quite easy to sit back and lob criticism at your ideological opposition but offer no solutions. These criticisms don’t need to be true or even make sense. They could be based on perception or potential perception of an issue. They could rely on all sorts of fallacies. Slippery slopes. Straw men. The intent is to invalidate the actions of one’s opponent by making a broad assertion and then force the opposition to defend itself.

Conservatism does not offer solutions. Sure, they trot out supply-side economics (trickle-down theory) and tax cuts that will pay for themselves, but these theories have an awful empirical track record. See, Kansas, State of, for a current example. Restating an ideology that has been shown not to work in the current operating conditions isn’t offering a solution. So we’re trapped in a zero-sum game. Everything that one’s opponent does must be wrong, because it comes from your opponent.

The second is related to Cleeks law and is called Davis X. Machina’s Law.

The salient fact of American politics is that there are fifty to seventy million voters each of who will volunteer to live, with his family, in a cardboard box under an overpass, and cook sparrows on an old curtain rod, if someone would only guarantee that the black, gay, Hispanic, liberal, whatever, in the next box over doesn’t even have a curtain rod, or a sparrow to put on it.

As a note up front, I get a lot of pushback when I quote this law. The substance of the pushback hasn’t ever been that people act this way. It is always about whether sparrows can fit on curtain rods to cook them. Whenever I hear this line of objection, I know that the criticizer is giving up on the merits of the law (the actions of the people) and trying to divert attention to the trappings of the argument. Basically, they’re trying to say that since a sparrow can’t fit on a curtain rod (or more accurately, they refuse to admit that they are small in diameter curtain rods), then the conclusion must be wrong. Ummmmmmm…no.

The point is that people will act against their interests as long as it hurts the “right” people. But why is this? As discussed above, it’s easy. It’s the path of less resistance. It is much easier to “punch down” on the people one wants to be disadvantaged than it is to “punch up” against the powers that be to obtain something for one’s benefit. Personally, when I see someone acting against their own interests in order to harm others it screams to me that the primary motivator for that person is hatred. It’s not a very good look. For anyone.

So what to do then? Try to make positive arguments and bolster those with negative arguments. By this I mean be for something, not just against things. I’m not saying one should never use a negative argument. Pointing out the deficiencies of your opponent is not necessarily a bad thing. However, over-reliance on negative arguments can be and is a bad thing because it is extremely difficult to find common ground. Only negative arguments is not a persuasive technique. I sometimes find myself painted in a corner and taking pot shots at an opposing viewpoint. I may even be making valid points about the weakness of the viewpoint. But in the back of my mind I know I’m not being constructive or persuasive.

I Know Too Much

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I know your wedding anniversary was last week and the lasagna you ordered was phenomenal.  Your child has pink eye, a stutter and likes purple.  Your husband has horrific gas in the middle of the night and often it keeps you up at night.  The neighbors on your left are loud and annoying and the smoke from their partying comes into your window. You have lost 6 pounds on your new weight loss program and typically work out at 6:30am before work.  Your youngest child has the flu and the vomit is horrible.  You and your best friend are fighting over the girl’s night out last Tuesday.  Your job sucks and you were late last week because of traffic.

You are my Facebook friend and I don’t have your phone number.  We don’t hang out; in fact, we met in passing.  When you are down the street from my house and check in at a local bar you don’t realize how close you are.  Even if you did I wouldn’t be invited.  After all, we don’t know one another and I don’t want to be real friends with you.

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I have almost 500 “friends” on Facebook and have relationships with possibly 75.  I check Facebook throughout the day and peek into people’s lives knowing details about their family, their day-to-day activities and their life.  I know their religion, their political affiliation and their music tastes.  Many of these people I haven’t spoken to for more than 5 minutes in my entire life.

For the few real friends I have my feelings get hurt when I see a post and realize I wasn’t invited.  I can tell when someone is annoyed with me because they don’t like my picture or comment on a post they would normally comment on. I worry I might make someone feel excluded when I update a picture or event and may have forgotten to invite a friend.    Before Facebook I wouldn’t know when a few friends had an impromptu get together or quick coffee date.  I would be oblivious to a friend’s mild annoyance with me.

I have been thinking a lot about Facebook and the impact it has on my days.  More important, I worry about the time I set aside to read update after update from people I barely know.

Having aged from a young single girl to a mother the updates are equally annoying.  The constant competition of other parent’s boasting their child’s advanced skills or perfect post baby body will leave any person insecure.  On the flip side I receive notes from people commenting on the person without the perfect body or phenomenal child.

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Then there is my favorite area.  Friends I might not be real friends with any longer but don’t want to unfriend on Facebook.  After all it would be childish, right?   I read posts of them boasting their best night ever with their newest friends or vacationing down the street.  According to Facebook their lives (or ours) is much better now and the passive aggressive dance ensues.

What is happening? Why has social media become the dominant presence in our lives? I have always defended my Facebook membership as a tool to keep in touch with family and friends who live far away.  However, I spend much more time reading updates about people I don’t interact with!  Why do we care so much about reading what people are doing? I find myself delighting in the mortifying admissions and the horrific posts people write.  I hear my disappointment because a friend forgot to invite me or another friend is annoyed because I missed an outing. This is not who I am and I am quickly realizing I have no interest in knowing so much.  Facebook creates insecurity in my friendships and encourages me to post nothing but what I want people to perceive is my life.

I am not done with Facebook. Yet.  However downsizing is part of my phase out program.  I don’t want to lose the years of previous posts because I think it will be fun to include in my kiddos scrapbooks.  Also our blog reaches all of my contacts.  But I am tired of too much information.  I am bored of worrying how I look in each picture to prove I am still a hot mom (thanks Photoshop).

For my real friends please just let me know when you are upset with me or just love me.  Please begin sending photos to my email address because I cherish them.  Remember I might not be available but invite me! Mostly, think about what you post on Facebook.  Know people are reading and might be hurt, offended or excluded.

What do you think? What is your social media pet peeve? I would love to hear your comments while I check Facebook 😉

Xo Mari

 

The Invisible People

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Invisible is not a word anyone would correlate with my name.  In fact, I would be described as the exact opposite.  I am outgoing, like to bedazzle everything, and wear pink.  I talk to everyone and move into party hostess role in mundane places like the grocery store.   People remember me and my social circle because we are loud and probably annoying.  We are never invisible.

Now that I am getting older my “sparkle” tends to take the back seat, focusing my attention on our little girls and celebrating that they are stars of the life show.  I don’t get dressed up or bother with makeup but my girls are always fabulously dressed, brushed and excited to flirt with the world.

A few months ago my Mom was in town and we were doing errands(i.e. going to Lunch, Target and Coldwater Creek since CC isn’t in her area).  People constantly comment on the girls and how fun they are since they smile incessantly and interact with anyone who will look at them.  My Mom loves it (OF COURSE what Grandma isn’t proud of her little ones??) and always engages in conversation with strangers.  During our lunch we were talking about their attention and my mom said something I hadn’t ever considered.  “The hardest part about getting older is becoming invisible.”  I was shocked.  I AM my mom’s mini me.  She has always been the outgoing, hostess with the mostess, girlfriend group leading, impression leaving gal.  People LOVE my mom.  How could she feel invisible???

Since then I have thought a great deal about her comment.  After my initial skepticism I started delving into the possibility and the reasons why.  Guess what I realized? She was absolutely right.  In our superficial culture age isn’t celebrated it is discouraged.  Americans go into debt to get surgery to look younger, more vibrant, thinner, more voluptuous.  Adults are terrified of looking old because the elderly are deemed irrelevant.

When I realized my mom might be right I did a very unscientific completely based on my own marketing skills study to see what I found.  Luckily I didn’t have to go far.  Our area is full of retirement communities and virtually every store or public place I go the age demographic is significantly higher than my own.

What I noticed sickened me.  The utter disdain toward the elderly is prolific.  I watched in horror last week when a couple was attempting to use a grocery cart to stabilize themselves on their way to the parking lot.  The grocery cart became caught on the floor mat and they were unable to continue.  An employee watched it, walked around them and went back to work.  They were stuck at the entrance.  At least 20 customers walked around them to get in and out of the store without so much as a glance.  I became enraged and yelled for the employee, chastising him for not helping the couple.  He looked at my like I was crazy and mumbled a half hearted excuse. I helped them out and told them to have a great day.  The two were gracious, lovely, and appreciative.

The visible eye rolling I have watched in the past month is enough to start a crusade.  For some reason our society is annoyed that the people who RAISED us, CARED for us and SACRIFICED are now old.  How dare these people age and not walk as fast, drive as well or pick out their spices in a timely manner?

My Mom was completely right.  And I am devastated.  Our culture is slimy and lame.  How dare we feel superior because we are younger?  Since the conversation I seek out anyone in my path who might need help.  I offer a smile and inquire about their day.  The response has been wonderful and encourages me to pay more attention to those outside the ‘optimum age demographic’.

If it weren’t for my mom telling me I wouldn’t have noticed.  I am not a super cool evolved human being needing snaps but I am a woman who will strive to not allow ANYONE to feel invisible.   What about you?

xoxo

Mari

Shuffle up and deal

NOFX — We Called it America

Love it when a punk song comes up on the shuffle and this song is appropriate for the dark and dreary times we’re struggling through. Saw some great NOFX shows back in the 90’s. Good times. Accordingly I’m more of a fan of their 90’s stuff but this song is a good piece of their later work (2009).

The song opens with a quote from Alec Baldwin’s character in Glengarry Glen Ross.

The leads are weak? Fucking leads are weak? YOU’RE weak.

The vinyl version of the song uses a different quote by Jack Lemmon instead of the Baldwin one. I’m not really an Alec Baldwin fan (I find him to be quite insufferable), but his work in Glengarry Glen Ross is his best.

The song has the usual strong guitar interplay and lightning fast tempo from Fat Mike and the boys. The lyrics paint a bleak (but accurate) portrait of where America has been and where we’re going. Some lyrics:

Remember when America had a middle class
And an upper class, that was way before the exodus
That was the America that we thought was number one,
Thought would overcome, thought would never die
That was just our pride and faith, two shitty deadly sins
I know faith isn’t one of ’em but it should have been
Cuz when things were crumbling, we had no camaraderie
Just a faith someone would save us from despondence

Seems like they’re onto something, no?

A cracked polystyrene man. Who just crumbles and burns.

Robin Williams’ passing is just terribly sad on many levels. Not going to get into most of them as I’d like to concentrate on the politicization of his death and hopefully provide some perspective for people.

The next time I hear someone say, “Robin Williams could have just chosen to be happy,” I’m going to start windmilling hammer fists until the cops show up. The presumption that clinical depression stems from lack of effort or unawareness or the wrong type of effort is just plain false. The majority of depressed individuals are acutely fucking aware that they’re unhappy every waking moment of every day. They’re endeavoring each day to feel happy. But a “mindset change” isn’t going to do the trick for the vast majority of sufferers.  I’m typically wary of “common sense solutions” to complex problems and have written a bit about it here and Marianne has here. One of the problems with applying a trite solution is that it ignores the myriad of different illnesses and treats them all the same. It also treats all people identically. Those are horrible assumptions.

Some people I see advocating for people they know little about to change their attitude are applying their beliefs to a medical issue. When someone proceeds in this fashion they are showing they don’t care about results, only process. I feel the opposite. I do not care how someone who is suffering gets better. I only care they get better. Medication, talk therapy, attitude change, exercise, meditation, whatever works for each individual. I will not trivialize their suffering and I will not TELL them how to do it.  This is about a person’s life not a validation of one’s belief.  Those utilizing political/social agendas by saying nonsense like “PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY” or “THE PUSSIFICATION OF AMERICA” or Rush Limbaugh saying “negativity is a hallmark of the left”. These illnesses know no ideology or tribe or political orientation. To say otherwise seems borderline-sociopathic.

Other people (who should know better) try to tell those suffering  the path they took is the only right path and what didn’t work for them are per se wrong. This is straight up narcissism trying to obtain validation.  If Anti-depressants didn’t work for you but meditation and exercise did, great!  Telling people not to try medication or therapy or any of the myriad of options because it didn’t work for you? NOT COOL. Again, this is not results-oriented and is instead process-oriented. It’s also another pathetic attempt for validation. One could share their own experiences without imposing their values. It’s a question of phrasing, really.

So there’s a simple fucking solution to this. Stop telling people what to do and listen. Sublimate your fervent beliefs to try to ensure that this person gets help. Don’t close doors or paths. Open them.

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