ranchandsyrup

Archive for the tag “coconut opener”

OMG. Did I just say that??

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Juggling my life has been a bit hectic and my blog has been ignored.  I apologize for the lack of posts but hope the admission of the demise of my youth is enjoyable enough to make up for it.  I’m not sure when I first noticed something was off but a few months ago I started noticing a change.   A shudder worthy change.  Clearly it was coming from my mouth but I couldn’t place why it was so abhorrent.  Last week, it came to me.  I am sounding more and more like…..wait for it…. MY PARENTS.  Or someone else’s parents.  Basically, an old person.  I was so taken aback I spent a week trying to dissuade myself from believing so.  It was of no use.  My struggle is real, friends, and I am mortified.  Once I realized who I sounded like I began noticing statements I made and jotted them down.  Here are a few gems from just the past two weeks.

You are done? Did you know people are starving in Africa?

OK, this was horrible 20 years ago… who says it now?? It slipped out of my mouth when my toddler refused to finish her food

What time does the concert start? 8pm? Ugh, sorry too late for me!

Remember when 8pm was early? In my world 8pm is unwind and take a shower before Law and Order is on.

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OMG Babe guess what I saw today? A grape slicer!

Who needs a grape slicer? Apparently me. Best part, in true parent fashion is when I explained to Mike it was rip off at Target so I would Google it to find a better deal.

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If you eat anymore mac n cheese you will turn into a noodle.

Kraft Mac n Cheese used to be a staple and something I ate for multiple meals- sub in tuna for guests, hot dogs for low budget months etc.

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How did I live without a coconut opener? The coconut water is so much better freshly opened!

I have a coconut opener. Enough said.

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I’m so excited, for Halloween this year we are organizing a kids group in the neighborhood

Kids exist on Halloween? I thought it was just for a great night out!

Do you have the non slutty Elsa? I don’t want slutty ice queen, just the Disney adult Queen Elsa

I need a non slutty costume? When did slutty become inappropriate in my world??

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Please stop standing in front of the refrigerator with the door open

What is it about kids standing in front of the refrigerator? More important why have I always done it and it is now bothersome?

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You don’t have Amazon Prime? OMG it is a life saver!

Amazon Prime is an actually life saver? Vodka is supposed to be a life saver

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I’ll just have an iced tea.  Sorry guys, I have a ton of work to do today.

When did I quit drinking at lunch work meetings??

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If you will be quiet for just a few minutes Mommy will get you a special surprise

Before kids I thought parents who bribed their kids or dumped them in front of TV were horrible. I do both. Daily.

Babe I can’t do another party.  We have had way too many parties this month and I am done.

Above all I thought there was no such thing as too many parties

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It’s Charlynne’s Birthday! Let’s do a kid friendly dinner at 5pm on Sunday!          

Charlynne’s bday has always been a week long booze fest

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Can we focus on more ab workouts? My glutes and arms are on fire!

Glutes? Abs? Arms? Workout? I actually requested more ab work to my Pilates instructor

I want to increase our vegetable intake. I found some great recipes to add spinach to our diet

  • This does not include French fries… eeck

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OMG I can’t believe I have said any of these, let alone all of them in the past two weeks! What is happening???  Is anyone else suffering from the horrible realization they are getting more concerned with health and finances and overall old people stuff???

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