Archive for the tag “legally blonde”

Fainting Couch STAT


I haven’t written lately because I have just been SO busy.

I work Full Time. Tend to two children. One husband. Two Dogs.  Hundreds of models. 5 States worth of event staff. Girlfriends.  Family. Charitable causes. Attempted work out regime.

My kids have been sick so I haven’t slept much.  My dog gashed open his head.  Traveling for family obligations has been stressful.  My friends are pregnant/engaged/divorcing/partying/depressed. I am exhausted and stressed and being pulled in every direction.

Do you feel sorry for me yet?

If you do. Don’t.


I decided to write on an area of abuse I see running rampant in many places of my life (sometimes mine).  It is one of the few common personality traits that knows no ethnicity, religion or gender.  It does not exclude any age, occupation or socioeconomic class.  In fact this affliction may be the most contagious disease I have seen of late (Except for diseases once abolished. Thanks anti-vaxxers).

The “disease” goes by a few terms:

Victimhood.  Playing the Victim.  Self Victimization. Victim  Playing.  (Cousins with Martyrdom)

Definition: fabrication of victimhood for a variety of reasons such as to justify abuse of others, to manipulateothers, a coping strategy or attention seeking.

Playing the Victim is useful.  It works in most situations.  You can use it to win a fight.  Elicit sympathy.  Gain praise.

I would be lying if I said I haven’t played the victim before.  It is usually to throw someone off in a fight (I have married an attorney but my dad always assumed I would be one) or to get out of something I don’t want to do.  I think everyone should get a few free victim cards per year.


I am not speaking of the occasional overwhelmed feeling of a person needing a moment of praise.  Heck we all need some snaps every once in a while!

IMAG4976_3(My snaps cup of praise given to me by my fabulous friends)

 This blog is geared to the perpetual victim.

The card toting year around victim who literally feeds off the attention and praise devoted to their plight.  You can find the greatest offenders of victimhood in various arenas.  These are just a few I have seen this week:

1. The Social Media Abuser – Facebook, Twitter, Victims.com (OK I made that up).  Good Lord the victims use social media as a personal soap box for their need for affirmation.  These offenders post weekly but most often daily.  They share inspirational quotes about how they are wonderful in a passive aggressive way.

They write about being stressed. Over worked. Over tired. Can’t sleep. Trying the best they can as a (insert lifestyle). The posts literally BEG you to say, “You are AMAZING”, “Keep your head up!”, “You deserve the best!”, “It will get better”, “We are in AWE of how awesome you are!”… you get the picture….


I should preface.. the Social Media Abuser probably falls into the following categories as well….

2. The Over Achiever- We all know this person.  This victim is cloaked in a shiny coat and often not categorized as a couch fainter.  This person pushes to be the lead in everything.  The class President. Head of the Pismo Beach Disaster Fundraiser. Cheer President.  The Soccer Mom, Carpool director, Team Captain- All in one week.  The over achiever is the individual others are immediately drawn to because they appear to “have it together”.  Months or perhaps years pass before one realizes the praise of being an “overachiever” is the Heroin of choice for this person. Keep praising or this hidden victim will crumble.  This person does not take on one or two areas.  They demand to be in charge of everything.  They headbutt their way to the top then wait for the praise to flow.

3. The Public figure- UGH probably the most offensive to me.  If I read another celebrity complaining about their public comments being taken wrong…. Some celebrities love to talk about how hard it is to be rich and famous.  The horrible problems they deal with and how we should pity and celebrate them.

4. The Plight I Overcamer- “Overcamer” is not actually a word but you know who I am talking about.  The person who overcame the horrible (insert situation) and is reformed… but not really.  They remind us of their past plights constantly, passively begging for us to praise them over and over and over and… well you get the picture.  They want applause for becoming better. Unfortunately they haven’t actually overcame anything because they compulsively seek adoration. Daily.

5. The Never Follow Througher- Again… I might be making a new word but this person tells everyone constantly how they are starting (insert plan).  It never actually happens but we are supposed to praise them for their thoughts toward awesome.  The “never follow througher” is the quintessential beacon of hope wrapped in a soft victim blanket.  They are letting us know they have been through EVERYTHING but are still willing to (insert-go to school, run a marathon, build a boat, become vegan, get a medal, host a speech, break up with bad person, start a freaking revolution). Obviously they never actually complete their goal(or come close) but as a victim encourage others to say YAY!! Way to go!! We never see any results because the ego is fed until the next proclamation.

It is fine to play the victim every once in a while.  We all need a dose of confidence to remind us we are amazing. Capable. Phenomenal. Awe worthy.  However, is this your crutch? Is being a victim your go to? Do you beg for affirmation regularly?


Maybe I am crazy but why not ask for praise when you need it? Or better yet why not count one’s own blessings?

This past weekend I was in my home town and blessed to see my oldest and most dear friend Rachel.  She is the same age as I am. She has 4 children and is divorced.  As soon as she arrived to meet me her first question was, “How are you?? You have so much going on I need to hear everything”.  I rambled for an hour.  When I inquired about her and her family she shrugged it off.  She mentioned she had been a bit frustrated getting the kids out in the morning but otherwise life was great.  She doesn’t have time for Facebook or social media.  She doesn’t complain or bitch.  She is AMAZING.  If she had a fainting couch I would buy her pillows.  But she never will.  She’s not a victim.

Yet another of my best friend’s volunteers with children.  She devotes her time (quietly) to provide positive opportunities for those in need.  The stories she has told me of visiting orphanages in Mexico and being a “big sister” to two special kids…. hopefully she will guest blog- Unicorn you know who you are…

Remember when this video went viral?

The people who have the most tend to need more.  Those who could actually BE A VICTIM choose different.  Some of the most confident individuals I have met are those with little to nothing.  More important people who actually need our support don’t publicize it.  At what point does the need for praise and affirmation become an actual addiction?





To all you bitches, hoes and all that shit

I never thought I would be able to use Too Short as a title. Admittedly, this will be the dirtiest song I will ever reference. But it was the “shock me” title I was going for 🙂

Awhile ago I begun hearing girlfriends call their friends “my bitches” and “my favorite whore/slut/hoe.” I didn’t get it. I probably used the terms once or twice to fit in but it definitely didn’t resonate with me (except for my friends who actually were whores. And proud of it– I think they preferred the term “facilitator” though).

Thankfully my oldest “foundation” friends (BFFs Eva and Rachel) never subscribed to the idea of putting down girlfriends so the trend affected me little. When I moved to San Diego I met tons of fun girls and saw the affectionate name calling spike. Again, I met smart powerful women who were not interested in put downs as an example of endearment (Love you Char).

Last week I received a gift from a group of 5 women I consider some of my closest friends. It all begun with an amazing idea from my friend Megan, for our lovely friend Keri. She thought up the idea of making a “snaps cup” so we could share all the attributes we loved about her. Of course, we loved the idea (and a reason for bedazzling) and quickly went to work. If you read my blog you know what a snaps cup is. But just in case:

When we saw the effect our gift had for Keri, we realized every friend in our group deserved one on their birthday.  After all, it was so easy to write a few compliments about why we loved our friend!!  

My birthday was earlier this month and last week I received my snaps cup. Honestly, I didn’t think it was a big deal until I poured myself a glass of wine and opened mine. 30 something compliments from my girlfriends ranging from our friendship, to my hair, to wild adventures, and even my ability to help a drunk friend in need. A leading snaps trend was my friend’s perceived ability to think I am a great mother while having a career and maintaining my friendships and marriage. Guess what? I cried. I felt so special and loved. Mike is my best friend and compliments me all the time. But to have my girlfriends candidly tell me what they loved about me made me feel amazing. Just writing about it brings tears of happiness to my eyes.


It made me think- Why doesn’t everyone treat their girlfriends with the love and compassion they deserve?

If you are lucky enough to have a friend or two who think you are tops, let them know.  In a place where “bitches and hoes” is a term of endearment, we can be the women who choose different.

If you don’t…

My next blog will be on why it’s ok to break up with a friend who doesn’t make you feel great.



I would win the argument if you knew I was fighting


Eavesdropping on people arguing is a fun way to think about what I would say.  I am SO much smarter when I can stand back and watch other people duke it out.  I like to refer to it as my “Jeopardy theory”. At home I pay attention to the areas of my expertise and busy myself with anything else when they move to the subjects in which I am not proficient. According to this Jeopardy graph (I found on slate.com), I have Literature, Before and After, potpourri (WEIRD that this is a category-update:OMG, I was just telling Mike how awesome it is that potpourri is a category and he just explained the meaning, and that it isn’t the fabulous scents I keep in a sachet in my underwear drawer. OOPS), animals, stupid answers and most definitely Islands in my wheelhouse.


What are your areas?

The reason I bring this up is because I have noticed a great deal of people trying to argue about areas they know nothing about.  Social media tends to make an ass out of our best intentions.  Trust me, I would love to tout opera, politics, and business as my areas of expertise but they just aren’t.  When people discuss them I eavesdrop and try to learn as much as I can by both sides of the conversation.  This is one of the few times I think snooping is a great idea and could be beneficial!  Actually, can I just be so blunt as to encourage it?

My blog idea comes from the non-eavesdropping, I know everything, internet banterers.  I can’t figure out if these gem-people are just trolling or if they actually think their uneducated opinion will be well received.

When I was younger I planned to be an attorney.  I loved to debate and have always been strong-willed. After working at a law firm I realized I couldn’t Elle Woods it and decided my talents lied elsewhere.  During my time as a student pursuing the law I picked up a few tools but being a friend and decent person has equipped me with the most useful tools.

The most important tool I have learned is common sense.  If it is impossible for you to walk in someone’s shoes, you should never tell them how to feel. Unless your advice is positive and, well, awesome. If you are a man do not tell a woman how she should think.  If you are not disabled, do not give advice on how to live as a disabled person.  Do not tell a person of another race your enlightened opinion on their race.  If you are not homosexual your thoughts on gay marriage is irrelevant.

The only acceptable opinion to give to an individual whose identity you are unable to replicate is praise or empathy.  That’s it.

The next time you feel compelled to jump in and tell everyone your opinion on areas you don’t have experience, try eavesdropping.  See if you learn anything.  More important, see if your thought process changes by listening to others rather than telling everyone else yours.

Just my thought 🙂

xo Mari

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I am new to the definition of Mansplain… I read about it in an article I stumbled upon and found this gem..
Mike and I both like to use quotes from others to preface a topic… He finds great political minds- I tend to think Clueless and Legally Blonde(LB) are obvious choices. I guess, it is where we differ.

Elle: Did you see him? He’s probably still scratching his head.
Paulette: Yeah, which must be a nice vacation for his balls

Urban Dictionary explains Mansplain as:
“Despite claims of superior strength in avoiding over-emotional reactions, when a man encounters even one iota of criticism of men on the internet, he must then mansplain why women suck by comparison or must be radical feminists. Mansplain–to put women down in response to criticism.”

I have been working diligently to stay away from political issues, but I CANNOT stand aside and watch mansplaining happen without my retort.

The most abominable mansplains I have seen, as of late are:

“Want contraception? Put an aspirin between your knees.”

“Rape and incest was used as a reason to oppose this. I would hope that when a woman goes into a physician with a rape issue, that physician will indeed ask her about perhaps her marriage, was this pregnancy caused by normal relations in a marriage or was it truly caused by a rape.

The newest graph is my personal favorite:


I am aghast at the ass backward ideology of people in a position of power. What is happening?? At what point did women’s rights need to be put back on the ballot? I thought the female counterpart was working toward equality, not backpedalling to a time when a law will prevent us from owning our own bodies. Dirty Dancing back alley abortion comes to mind…

Unlike Mike, I am not watching the economic plans, or the military decisions. I should, but it hasn’t incited a passion, so it isn’t a priority. My mom recently said she is excited to vote this year, because it “hits home” and is “in her own backyard”. I feel the same. How dare someone decide what is rape or not? How disgusting to think we could live in a world where a woman would need to prove rape in order to receive an abortion.

I abhor the thought of us poor little ladies needing to protect the laws in place. Some men don’t want us to worry our pretty little heads. After all, they know what is right for us, and we should appreciate how they can watch out for us simple minded creatures.
Apparently, we are all potential sluts, with no virtue, using abortion as a means of birth control.

Does a man know what a woman goes through for an abortion? Does he have any idea that the process will haunt a woman for her life? The majority of women don’t take an abortion lightly, and to make an example of the small percentage that do so is ridiculous. The women I know who have had abortions knew it was the right thing to do, but it weighs heavy on them. They will never forget every moment, and will always remember. Right or wrong, it was their choice. It was what was best for them, and not a decision made lightly.

I am disgusted at the debate over Women’s Rights- AGAIN. Haven’t we been through this?

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