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Archive for the tag “love”

The Faulty Side Of Loyalty

I wrote this blog last week and planned on finishing it before something happened.  It directly correlates to this thus I am going to preface my blog on what happened.

On Wednesday I was attacked by a dog.  I was working, my dogs kept barking and I looked outside to see a large dog running up the street. Many of my neighbors are elderly so I went outside to help.  The dog saw me and began running toward me.  I was elated at first. But then I noticed something different.  He wasn’t a pup and was not coming to play.  He quickly went for my left leg and luckily bit my pants.  He then lunged and bit my right leg.  I kicked him in the jaw. He was not fazed. He continued to lunge while I kept eye contact, yelled NO and kicked while taking small steps backward.  I got to the front door of my house by the time the owner and neighbor arrived to leash him.  The owner apologized profusely. The other neighbor helping her got angry and told her, “This is the third time your dog has bitten someone. This dog needs a new home.” The dog’s owner dismissed him because she is loyal to a fault.

Back to the original blog:

I have been thinking about the idea of loyalty for the past few months.  Loyalty is an attribute everyone identifies with.  Have you ever met a person stating otherwise? Loyalty is tossed around like most adjectives- Also fun, friendly, outgoing and of course kind.

Loyalty can apply to myriad situations.  It could be in friendships or relationships. It could be family, pets, job, or a political party.  People really like touting themselves as loyal.

The reason I have been thinking so much of this lately is quietly watching others display their loyalty in various areas while not tending to others.

My Dad always spoke about being loyal to a fault.  Over the years I admired this quality and followed suit.  As an adult I found that loyal to a fault is flawed.

When we say we are loyal humans at what point are we not?  Is it when beliefs do not coincide? What happens when friends don’t want the best for us? How long do you stay when your partner continually mistreats you?  Or support a family member making poor choices? Do you stay loyal to a job or person that doesn’t value or celebrate you?  What about the animal you love that continually acts out?  Most recently, what do you do when your political party leaves you unsatisfied?

Do you stay? Do you remain loyal to a fault?

My thoughts are what loyalty really means to you.  Everyone is quick to hold on to the word and describe themselves as such.  But what if being loyal to a fault isn’t the best option?

Mike and I have had time off this past month and we have talked at length about the same questions.  Loyalty is something to be cherished in the right circumstances.  However when does a person decide, “I am not loyal to dysfunction?”

More than anything I am interested in your insight.  What makes you loyal?  When do you decide to NOT be loyal?

Best,

Marianne

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The Invisible People

invisible

Invisible is not a word anyone would correlate with my name.  In fact, I would be described as the exact opposite.  I am outgoing, like to bedazzle everything, and wear pink.  I talk to everyone and move into party hostess role in mundane places like the grocery store.   People remember me and my social circle because we are loud and probably annoying.  We are never invisible.

Now that I am getting older my “sparkle” tends to take the back seat, focusing my attention on our little girls and celebrating that they are stars of the life show.  I don’t get dressed up or bother with makeup but my girls are always fabulously dressed, brushed and excited to flirt with the world.

A few months ago my Mom was in town and we were doing errands(i.e. going to Lunch, Target and Coldwater Creek since CC isn’t in her area).  People constantly comment on the girls and how fun they are since they smile incessantly and interact with anyone who will look at them.  My Mom loves it (OF COURSE what Grandma isn’t proud of her little ones??) and always engages in conversation with strangers.  During our lunch we were talking about their attention and my mom said something I hadn’t ever considered.  “The hardest part about getting older is becoming invisible.”  I was shocked.  I AM my mom’s mini me.  She has always been the outgoing, hostess with the mostess, girlfriend group leading, impression leaving gal.  People LOVE my mom.  How could she feel invisible???

Since then I have thought a great deal about her comment.  After my initial skepticism I started delving into the possibility and the reasons why.  Guess what I realized? She was absolutely right.  In our superficial culture age isn’t celebrated it is discouraged.  Americans go into debt to get surgery to look younger, more vibrant, thinner, more voluptuous.  Adults are terrified of looking old because the elderly are deemed irrelevant.

When I realized my mom might be right I did a very unscientific completely based on my own marketing skills study to see what I found.  Luckily I didn’t have to go far.  Our area is full of retirement communities and virtually every store or public place I go the age demographic is significantly higher than my own.

What I noticed sickened me.  The utter disdain toward the elderly is prolific.  I watched in horror last week when a couple was attempting to use a grocery cart to stabilize themselves on their way to the parking lot.  The grocery cart became caught on the floor mat and they were unable to continue.  An employee watched it, walked around them and went back to work.  They were stuck at the entrance.  At least 20 customers walked around them to get in and out of the store without so much as a glance.  I became enraged and yelled for the employee, chastising him for not helping the couple.  He looked at my like I was crazy and mumbled a half hearted excuse. I helped them out and told them to have a great day.  The two were gracious, lovely, and appreciative.

The visible eye rolling I have watched in the past month is enough to start a crusade.  For some reason our society is annoyed that the people who RAISED us, CARED for us and SACRIFICED are now old.  How dare these people age and not walk as fast, drive as well or pick out their spices in a timely manner?

My Mom was completely right.  And I am devastated.  Our culture is slimy and lame.  How dare we feel superior because we are younger?  Since the conversation I seek out anyone in my path who might need help.  I offer a smile and inquire about their day.  The response has been wonderful and encourages me to pay more attention to those outside the ‘optimum age demographic’.

If it weren’t for my mom telling me I wouldn’t have noticed.  I am not a super cool evolved human being needing snaps but I am a woman who will strive to not allow ANYONE to feel invisible.   What about you?

xoxo

Mari

Cupid’s Bow not delivering?

cupid

Today is Valentine’s Day!

If you are in a relationship you are dating one of two people.

A great person.

A shitty person.

Your partner is one or the other. If you are thinking for even one little moment which one your love falls into, your partner is the latter.

My husband is a great person.  He is fabulous. We have been married 6 years and I love him more today than yesterday.  When we first started dating he was a holiday person. He celebrated Christmas with the enthusiasm of a toddler, Valentine’s day like Cupid, and my birthday like it was the best day of the year.  After our courtship turned into marriage I realized his overzealous holiday affection was merely a ruse to snare me.  My beloved was not in fact, a holiday person. After we were married I noticed he wasn’t excited about Flag Day.  On Fourth of July I was shocked he didn’t own patriotic swim shorts.  He actually wasn’t a huge proponent of making 1/2 cakes for half birthdays.  I couldn’t believe he wasn’t hopping like a bunny for Easter. Wait for it… Valentine’s Day wasn’t a day of sheer bliss and romance.  WHAT??  I have holiday dedicated ensembles for almost every holiday!!

At first I thought I could change him.  I threw parties, bought extravagant gifts, and encouraged a cheerleader like attitude.  Guess what? He wasn’t impressed. In fact, he was embarrassed and annoyed.  I thought if I made a huge deal out of every holiday he would make a huge deal too.  I was wrong.  As it turns out his love language is different (which I will need to write about another day).  To be fair, Mike’s enthusiasm for many holidays has greatly increased since having children. Again, another day another blog.

My tip this week is how to survive Valentine’s Day and love your partner even more the next day.

My mom (and best friend) once gave me an amazing piece of advice. She told me, “If Valentine’s Day or your Anniversary are holidays you wait for to feel loved and special you are in the wrong relationship.” This piece of advice is a gem.

On Valentine’s Day I know you have your vision.  You might be sitting at home or in your office dreaming of when the doorbell rings or the receptionist calls out your name to deliver flowers.  I watch the same Lifetime movies.  At any moment dozens of flowers and chocolates and that ugly “Hearts on Fire” necklace from Kay Jewelers is yours.  I get it. You smile. Look down, a bit sheepish that your man is such a romantic. What’s a girl in love to do??

And then it doesn’t happen–and you are bummed. Just so disappointed. And embarrassed for feeling bad.

Guess what? Your partner doesn’t love the silly Valentine’s Day holiday. If you are in a good relationship you shouldn’t either.

Valentine’s Day is a bit embarrassing if you go out–the restaurants are crowded, one pays a premium, and everyone is supposed to execute the weird couple stare.  You can’t relax. You need to hold hands, order the prix fix menu and gaze..  lovingly…but this doesn’t happen either.

But I digress. On to my tip, on how to appreciate Valentine’s Day(Or your anniversary) if Cupid doesn’t exceed your expectations..

Romantic holidays are created to ensure someone makes you feel great about yourself.  If you are in a good relationship you should feel fabulous most of the time. I started writing a list of the things Mike does to make me feel special throughout the year and quite honestly, the list is too long.  I am a very lucky woman.  The list below is a non scientific excerpt of a list of what should be happening in your life.  If most of these apply then Valentine’s Day should be a day to be thankful you don’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day. (Disclaimer: As a female, a list may be a bit different if I was a male. Bear with me).

1. Constantly tells you how attractive you are.  Bonus if you are in sweats!

2. Celebrates your interests and encourages you to pursue them.  Even if it is just wine and girlfriends 😉

3. Knows all about your self-described “crazy parts” and genuinely likes them.  In fact, they make up who you are and they feel it makes you “insanely” perfect.

4. Thinks that dinner and dishes are gender neutral and whoever is least busy is in charge.

5. Thinks laundry is gender neutral and whoever is least busy is in charge.

6. Is perfectly capable of taking care of the children and really likes it.

7.  Believes in you.

8.  Knows your strengths and asks for your advice in these areas.

9.  Remembers your favorite foods and suggests them when you need TLC

10. Has watched all of your favorite movies and can quote a few of them when you are having a bad day.

11.  Invests in your favorites.  Chocolate lover? Belongs to the Godiva Club.  Gardner? Knows when Home Depot is having a soil sale!  Skier? Season passes to the nearest mountain.

12. Notices and appreciates a few things you do.  Not everything but enough to make you feel good about your hard work.

13.  When you receive a present it is an item that was thought out.

14.  Compromises on areas that they are passionate about.

15.  Really likes spending time with you.

If you have been reading this list and smiling and nodding you are very lucky.  Today may not bring chocolates and diamonds and whirlwind trips or proposals.  However, today is a day you can feel thankful for a full heart year round.

I know I will be thankful for a Hallmark holiday to remind me how lucky I am !!!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

xoxo Mari

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